With the Intent to Defend

I’ve only been to a handful of castles in my short life, an even smaller number if you don’t count Disneyland and Medieval Times.  But when I look back at my photos  from the England and South Wales Tour in 2008, one thing is apparent. The reigning monarch was supposed to be protected while inside.

If the castle is a metaphor, the application of the parallel is clear for my own life. Who have I been trying to keep out and what defenses have I mobilized as a garrison against invaders? Just this week I used an assumption as an opportunity to embarrass someone. Whether I was right or wrong about the facts in the discussion, I still used my position as a weapon. I got into a debate with two individuals and didn’t listen to their side of the story because it could mean that I’m wrong. So I perched my archers, so-to-speak, on the towers and let on the onslaught.

At 8:29 on a Saturday morning I’m writing this and I can feel the castle walls being constructed and the moat filled with beasts that devour trespassers. That’s about as literary as I’ll get. But seriously, I can see how I plan to DEFEND on a daily basis. It’s sometimes as if I now hold all the cards so I’ll not tolerate inferior ideas. That’s a difficult admission but I can see this mentality regardless of whether or not it’s expressed.

As a basketball player I developed resentment for doubters and took the disdain a step further. I turned the doubters into enemies in my mind because it was so painful when people didn’t believe in my talents. I never realized until recently that I’ve carried that burden into my 30s. I’m realizing that there is really nothing I need to prove to anyone anymore. I think I get it. Life doesn’t have to be lived with an intent to defend. The world is fickle. The highlight of my week was making amends with the two people I berated. I was humbled when one of them asked me repeatedly for forgiveness. How ironic. It was my defensiveness that turned the conversation on end. Instead of planning to defend myself, today I’ll pray that I can offer myself as an example of a person seeking to serve where he’s called. Lower the drawbridge.