SHOOTOUT WITH GOD

God sometimes demands so much of you that it’s maddening. I was talking to my wife yesterday about a holding pattern I’ve been in my whole life. There is such a thing as too comfortable with who you are. My case-in-point is how in the midst of debt, a new job and the horizon of ministry, I can hear God’s unmistakable voice like a coach who won’t end practice until you’ve given everything. There’s no mercy in this element of God’s character for it is because of his mercy that you are in the crucible. And so the age of manna for me is fleeting and if I’m to excel and stop circling the airport I  have to mine the recesses of latent places deep within.

So much of Christianity has been billed as formulaic and this was my point of contention with God. My formula wasn’t working. I had the deep desires, the visions of how to impact the world along with a dab of gab gift. But God said, “You lackin’ the killa, son. How bad do you want freedom? How bad do you want to see a realm transformed from superficial to significant?” I was left speechless.

So I recounted the convo to the wife concluding that God ain’t lettin’ a brotha off the hook on this one. It’s either, “Get some bulldog” or settle for a break-even life. The break-even life is just as it sounds – just enough to get by or at least think you’re gettin’ by. It constitutes falling prey to the most sinister suppression of keeping you content with mediocrity.

The takeaway was that I’ll treat the conversation with God like when someone older than you picks on you. They make you mad and then something is lit inside you that moves you to another gear. Tenacity is realized in a moment. But I’ll need to stay mad to perform in this vein. You gots to be pissed to stay in this mode and there is no plan B. So the discontent is compounded by God’s refusal to relent. But a grip you must get on your emotions and threshold of the difficult. The only way out of average is through a hellish bout with self.