No Back Talk

Back talk got me in trouble more than I can remember as a kid. I wouldn’t label it mouthin’ off because then what would you readers think of an unruly, nappy headed boy who grew up to become a muse of the abstract. Who’d listen to that guy?

But spankings and well deserved reprimanding aside, I noticed yesterday that I create conversations over grievances that have never actually happened. There are voices that say, “Can you believe the nerve of ___________? These people think ____________ and they just don’t understand who I am. That’s why I’m done with __________ (insert name of enemy). I hate when they __________.” Tell me you’ve never done these rounds in your mind.

It’s not strange to have weird self-talk. It’s weird to hold a conversation with the voices over things that have never happened. See, it’s easy to conure up ill feelings over a past offense. I find that I kind of like being a defensive person or better yet finding a way to paint myself as the innocent party. It always legitimizes my gripes with whoever or whatever. But I’m at my best when I can recognize but not dwell on past hurts. I could but will not name five people that think I’m superficial, deluded, non-committal, ungrateful and a moocher.

There’s hypocrisy in my past no doubt and I attach accusation to accusers on a daily basis. But in the end, back talk is stupid because if there are people who think those things about me, they’ve given up trying to talk to me about any of it – haven’t heard from ’em in years. So that means I’m rehearsing this drama on my own, poisoning myself by engaging the voices I myself have created to make me hate myself. And the Bible is clear on how unhealthy that is. It just came to me yesterday, “Yo, you ain’t gotta talk a back to the negative voices when they talk to you.” Back talk is whacked talk if you’re making up reasons to destroy the image of you that God has. He did a fine job and the sooner I realize that the sooner I stop feeling like a lunatic.