MAN MADE

A great man named Pastor Chuck Reeve once told me his goal on Sunday mornings was to have as many quality conversations as possible, namely with church congregants. It stuck with me and last week at NBC Camp in Maui I tried to revitalize Pastor Chuck’s motto.

I dealt mostly with 12-18 year-old boys and rediscovered the strangeness of being an adolescent male. And it’s not all about the odor and bodily sounds like when I had our whole group on their backs doing ab/core work. Lots of farting goes on doing those times accompanied by laughter. I digress. What I realized in conversation is that boys are still hopeful at 12-18 years. They still esteem, have questions, want to learn, grow and even communicate. However, they don’t always know how and will not walk through doors you don’t leave open. “…quality conversations…,” I was reminded. So those interactions arose out of a willingness to talk to the kid on the bus rides to Kamehameha high school. While I was sitting in the stair well because the bus was too full, boys would ask about the Lakers, college and other things basketball.

On the court or shortly after our day’s work ended, you could find a 17-year old flanking you asking for your opinion of their game. And shudder to think how that encounter evolves if you haven’t been paying attention to that particular kid. What would you say? Would you make something up or look that kid in the eye and say, “I didn’t have a chance to watch you closely today. But I did see you do _______ on that one play.” The male adolescent is steeped in ambiguity, insecurity and frustration. He is under MAN-SIZED pressure because society, and possibly even family, saddles young men with expectations which are incongruous with our mentor-less culture. Many of the guys I had the pleasure of working with were on that brink of quitting…and I mean quitting everything. But the “quality conversation” can never be overrated. It is the personification of love for the future men who will nurture or destroy their own sons. It’s never just camp is it?

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2 Comments on “MAN MADE”

  1. I love the exchange, what is given and received in quality conversation. My job in a nursing home is often heavy laden with business and paperwork but on days like today I had “time.” I visited with some of my residents for longer than usual. Maybe my aim was to give them some TLC but I learned….what to do when a cow can’t give birth on her own, tie a chain around the calf and pull, how to make good chicken gravy, not too much grease, a slotted spatula and always flour, never corn starch, the key to financial security, being able to define the difference between a need and a want. And to be respected and loved by an 89 year old woman who has seen more than her share of success and heart ache, what a gift. Reminds me that when I feel the pressure of “work” that it’s worth it to make time for what’s really important, people, and I never regret it.