KIDS WHO DON’T PLAY AROUND

Phoebe Prince has gained posthumous notoriety, the kind we could all do without because it is attributable to her abuse by peers and ultimate suicide. The accounts I’ve read and watched say that Prince was bullied in the “cyber” fashion as well as the old school way – that is, physically. Nine of her peers at South Hadley High School, in Massachusetts, have been charged with a number of crimes that carry life-altering penalties. Parents are outraged and administrators are now being blamed for not stepping in.

Enter my two cents. Prince was 15 years old when she hanged herself in the stairwell that leads to her apartment. That was on January 14. And despite having known people to attempt and commit suicide, I always wonder what makes a person do such a counter-intuitive thing. At what point does a person forfeit a lifetime because the looming gloom of daily high school life is so ominous? Why does envy lead to predatory actions? Why are one out of four students bully targets? The questions are endless and to a degree, moot. If we think about it, isn’t the culture at large riddled with behavior that makes people think bullying is a survival skill, the “better you than me…” philosophy personified?

I hear the counterargument from people saying, “You can’t blame suicide on a bully.” But odds are, if you say that, you ain’t never been bullied homie. I can attest that when the bullying is repetitive and daily, extreme solutions become attractive. You’ll do anything to stop the bleeding so-to-speak. We’re a bully culture aren’t we with are emaciate runway models dictating to the mass of women. Poor people pretend to be rich and then whet the appetites of the crabs in the barrel by bragging about what they have. People compete for the same lovers, as if there’s a shortage, using seduction to disintegrate marriages. We are masterful bullies religious folk included. But when our young people perfect the craft we act surprised. We’re not surprised; we’re alarmed because when Phoebe Prince dies, it’s not just kids being kids. Now there’s consequence and we hate consequence.

I’ve learned much from my time in high school as a student, teacher and coach. I surmise that administrators are about as removed as you can be from much of the social subculture at school despite being on campus. To understand what goes on in the pressure-filled world of a student you have to infiltrate. You have to be an insider, gaining the trust of the students by leaving your door open at lunch time and inviting conversation. You have to have crossover appeal to the bully and the bullied and provide a haven away from the constant comparison/contrast rat race that is American society. Best believe that there is bullying in the bloodstream of our country. The need for a transfusion is apparent with every statistic, one of which says that more than 100,000 students carry a gun to school for fear of being bullied. I got an idea…take the lenses off when you look at your children, your students, your players. Teenagers are not kids and everything they do is not cute. It’s not about sticks and stones and words hurting. That’s a given. The new conversation concerning bullying is about not passing the buck to the victim and saying, “kids are weak these days.” Accountability is the reprise. Or else, sooner or later bully victims and their sympathizers will wage a war the likes of which we haven’t seen.