Just buy the doughnut
Sometimes I do things that prove how much of a premium I put on being in control. And this control freak-like characteristic extends to how I try to serve others. I walked into a doughnut shop on Friday October 30, 2009 and as I entered the shop I passed a man on the outside who appeared to be homeless. He was doing what people in that predicament usually do…asking for spare change on your way out. So I invited him in to the shop with me.
I told him I’d buy him a doughnut but then I added the following condition: “You have to come inside with me to get the doughnut.” (I wanted to talk to the guy, force a dialogue) His gestures made it clear that he was not willing to oblige me. Instead he told me what kind of doughnut he wanted. “Maple Bar,” he repeated. I could feel the blood simmering. “How dare this homeless person dictate the rules of generosity,” I thought. “Either come in with me or no doughnut,” I said.
Then the conviction set in while I was in line. I don’t know why the gentleman outside wouldn’t come in. It shouldn’t have mattered. I’ve had countless opportunities to give to people and often have made the experience about ME more than about helping someone. The truth is that I must drop the God complex. Friday it was a doughnut. A week earlier it was a hamburger. Giving with no strings attached or not giving at all seems most consistent with the principles that I say govern my living. Next time I’ll just buy the guy a Maple Bar and if he wants to have a conversation, he’ll let me know.
Posted: by Norman Anthony
Category: Uncategorized
I really like this entry because I relate to it on many levels. Sometimes I have a hard time separating my own egotism from the practice of doing a good deed. I’m trying to teach myself that generosity is its own reward, despite whatever the outcome might be from reaching out. But realistically, I would have had the same reaction. I don’t think we have the perspective of the subject of this entry to understand why he wouldn’t accompany you in, but whatever our conjecture we are probably wrong.
Yeah Amber. It’s definitely a dichotomy and I didn’t realize it was so interwoven with my motivation for giving. I think my intentions are noble enough as are most of ours but this event showed me how quickly a gesture can be contaminated with egotism like you say. And you said it well about the conjecturing. I’m not sure knowing why he wouldn’t come into the shop had anything to do with my responsibility in that moment. It’s cool though that we get another turn. “The poor we will always have with us…”
Mr.Coulter 2day in 4th I was happy cause you were talkin about your blog and I was like “me me!! I love reading them lol!!(1st time readin blogs)” and I’m glad you write them everyday cause its one of your passions. my world went upside down after that. I couldn’t believe at 1st what u said to da class so maybe u were playin around but it hit me u always wanted to find your dream job even thou you have a great job right now….. but my tears couldn’t hold back for the sadness and joyful feelings I had for an amazing teacher that I’m grateful to have.The hardest part was hearing u cry. but mr.coulter the hardest part will be letting u go but also a great day seeing you pursue your dreams. I’m bless to have you as a teacher but more as a great tall friend 🙂 I know god we take care of you and i’ll be praying more everyday (usually do 4 all my teachers everyday) for you. hope to work hard these 2 weeks with you at school.thanks for everything mr.coulter and see you at class 2morrow 🙂
i can and can not relate to this because i hardly do anything for those less unfortunate. but i have a reason when i do give out my generousity its usually been taken advantage. long story short i see a homeless man and he was askn for money to get food so i give him SIX dollars. so i left to a liqour store when im leaving the store i see him buying a beverage(not soda)..lol..and ever i told him you said you were going to get food what happened? he says well you fell for it i just wanted my beer..to me i was surprised that he even told me that but ever since then i dont even pay attention to them so i wouldnt get fooled again. but when i gave him the money i felt good like i did a good action, but the good action i did was used for not the good for him……