I don’t need no stinkin’ coaching.

From the time we’re children to the present we’ve resisted help. From tying my own shoes to paying my own rent I’ve always desired independence, autonomy and self-sufficiency. I’m not sure where it originates but something materializes in man that makes for hard headed rebellion. My mom used to say that a “hard head makes a soft bottom.” You can post your comment if you’re not sure what that means. At any rate, the irony is that we find ourselves in the position of coach at some point in life. We’re coaching our own sons and daughters, coaching subordinates at work, coaching our group mates for a school project, etc. We set out to lead and we’re disgruntled when “they” don’t follow. But following is a learned posture is it not? I’d say it’s a life skill except for the fact that following has always been a decision in my life opposed most often by my pride. And pride is no more a skill than breathing. So I’m convinced that the greater part of coaching has little to do with arguing and being domineering and more to do with presenting the truth, outcomes resulting from it and outcomes resulting from evading it.

I recently attempted to host a basketball clinic for men over 30 years old and got one registrant. The word on the street was that lots of fellas are ready to get in the gym, that loads of dads have been so busy being dad that they’ve lost a step on the drive to the basket. So enter the clinic. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime right? Practice like you once did back before bills and beer. And yet no responses? What the… But maybe I was the culprit, using taglines on my website such as “Just because you pay bills doesn’t mean you can play basketball.” Call it humor or sarcasm. Maybe that line comes across as an indictment. I’m not sure. What I do know is that everyday I’m reminded that communication will either allow or disallow the intent to coach. I can’t force consulting, coaching or tutelage on people. Neither can you. But we can show an interest in our subordinates and validate what they already do well. I knew at age 5 that nobody likes a know-it-all, including me. But I also know that nobody arrives to greatness without mentoring and shepherding. So maybe that’s the task for the week. How can I be a better mentor/shepherd? How can I get guys and girls 30 and older to come to a basketball clinic without them feeling embarrassed? How can I offer resources to the people I serve without them feeling like I’m the resident expert? What works for you when you lead? Talk to me.