Give: to present voluntarily and without expecting compensation; bestow:

On any given day I’m sure I owe everyone something.

I’ve rummaged through old CDs to find that I never gave my buddy back his D’Angelo Album from 1995. I’m sure I owe an old roommate some money and forgot to get a gift for a couple whose wedding I attended in 2002. I’ve often borrowed from people at times throughout my life, benefiting from the generosity of friends and family alike.

Upon reflection, knowing I owe so many so much it’s difficult to feel free. There’s a sick feeling of parasitic proportions that accompanies me on some days because I almost want to update my Facebook status as “Norman is wanting to payback anyone to whom he owes anything. Please write the debt I owe you on my wall.” Wouldn’t you love to do that? I figure that then I’d be in the good stead of everyone. But such thinking is brutally fictitious and here’s my take.

When friends and family lend money or intangibles that equate to it there is a spirit underlying. Lending takes place under the guise of giving and I am as guilty as any at saying “gift” when I mean “loan”. Lending is different than giving because the lender has to have a good memory or keep a log monitoring the day of the initial loan, the loan amount and the days that have passed since the repayment date passed.

I hate owing people anything but it is a reality that possibly speaks to the interdependence of our world. There is a community attempting to break forth in every aspect of society but it is stifled by hard and fast rules that pit lender against borrower. I’ve loaned people things knowing I’d never see it again and borrowed what I have yet to repay. As the lender, I probably should have given instead. As a borrower, I should been clear about the terms before accepting the help. Then I wouldn’t be still thinking about it.