Commanding Well while in Command

I‘m learning that when you reprimand subordinates, the purpose is to reconstruct. I was coaching one day when a player showed up unprepared for practice. My reaction was a series of interwoven emotions: disappointment, a sense that I had been disrespected, anger and embarrassment. I made the mistake of allowing my emotions to move me away from constructive coaching into punitive coaching. The latter sounds like an oxymoron because it is. If coaching becomes punishing, it is no longer interested in moving the player or subordinate forward. I talked aloud with my assistant coach about the situation within earshot of the player and thus embarrassed my player. She was upset but mostly saddened because I didn’t seem to understand her reason for not practicing.

So there I was, on the verge of making a huge relationship withdrawal and losing the ability to coach this young lady. But then wisdom flew in with cape and superhero music in the background. I went to the player, suffering from menstrual symptoms, and said, “I know you have cramps today but…when you don’t dress for practice I feel like you don’t care.” It was a step in the right direction but still not quite constructive enough. So I added, “If today you only have 30 percent in you because you’re in pain, give me 100 percent of the 30 percent that you have girl (smile). Can you give me the 100 of the 30?” She nodded yes and I had reestablished the wellness of my command. That said, I probably need to work on understanding a little more before I’m understood.