Can a Man Nurture?

Somehow I got sucked into an internal mental scrimmage on the subject of male nurturing. I asked myself something I’ve never thought of prior to my son’s birth this past summer. I said to myself, “Self, do you think a man can or should be nurturing?” See I’ve noticed in 9 weeks that I’m drawn to my son like nothing I’ve ever experienced. I find myself laughing when he cries noticing the furrowed brow he already has imprinted on his forehead. I try to get in the pathway of his  breath because his mouth is so small and his yawns are majestic. I’m amazed by the strength of his legs as he starts a tantrum and kicks me in the lower abs where I need attention anyway. His bottom lip pokes out like mine and when he’s in a tirade, his arms become almost robotic in a slow speed wind that evokes such sympathy. I hold him and fight back the thoughts of the threats that will face him in a strangely inauthentic society that loves nobility but champions treachery by-and-large.

People say they wanna gobble him up…weird! But I know what they mean. If they want to devour my son in that adorable baby non-cannibalistic fashion, multiply my sentiments by 1,000. So I haven’t worked out or hooped (played basketball) much in at least four weeks. It’s not that I don’t want to either. I’d just rather be home in the evenings. I like kissin’ my son and asking a 9-week old who can’t speak, “Does him have kisses for daddy?” I change diapers and it’s not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. Dont’ get me wrong; it’s a foulness all it’s own but I actually enjoy gettin’ him clean. And then with his weird sleep pattern, I grab him somewhere between midnight and 2 a.m. and we camp out in the front room. He sleeps on the “Boppy” pillow and I lay next to him to keep him from rolling off the bed onto the floor.

So can a man nurture? I ask because I think I can. But masculine initiation once preached to me another gospel. Men don’t nurture. They acquire, destroy, commandeer. Men, according to the old models, have an uncanny ability to treat a woman with the same regard as they would a whore while prizing the offspring he helped produce. Can a man speak life, be affectionate, be self-effacing before the most important audience he’ll ever captivate? It’s at least worthy of inquest I would think. See my inclination toward my son screams nurture even though his mother is very capable of maternal nurturing. She feeds him in that “exclusive” way that only she can, rushes to his aid, bathes him by herself at times. But Is there such a thing as nurturing that comes from the male? Can a male be defined less by his aged avarice and ego and more by a willingness to truly serve the needs of his wife and children? Why is it that the men I’ve known have largely exhibited non-nurturing behaviors? Why is this form of masculine induction par for the course, especially given that I doubt I am an anomaly? Men can nurture but they’ve been given an out. Nurturing is not expected from men…well at least not by the ones contributing to the archetype of a man who disengages from his children from about 0-3. Men may be able to nurture but they’re not at the parent conferences at the schools where I’ve taught. They don’t email. Kids don’t have photos of themselves and their dads on their notebooks. Men aren’t supposed to nurture and yet they are completely capable, right? And altogether my Lit and Composition students said, “That’s some damned situational irony Mr. C.”