Donte Stallworth has been suspended…literally

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Me "suspended" on a Volcano Hike in '99
Me "suspended" on a Volcano Hike in '99

Donte Stallworth plays professional football in the NFL but on March 14, 2009 he drove under the influence of alcohol and struck and killed a 59 year-old man. Today Stallworth was suspended without pay for the entire 2009 season but will be reinstated after the Superbowl in 2010. That means Stallworth gets about 6-7 months to feel the pain of having something you love taken from you. There’s the sting of financial lack (unless his agent floats him and/or he’s well invested for this rainy day), the agony of reflecting upon his careless indiscretion and the loss of credibility in the eyes of fickle fans who are quick to praise and even quicker to condemn.

So now Stallworth is suspended, suspended in mid-air so-to-speak like Michael Vick (served 2 years in prison for dog-fighting) and Rick Pitino (The Louisville Basketball coach who recently went public about cheating on his wife and five kids). When you’re suspended, you’re aimless and without a clear direction. And the professional athletes aren’t the only ones who experience a season of ambiguity. I remember being 21, recently graduated and “suspended” because I wanted to play basketball. Imagine that you’ve had a complete basketball season to look forward to every year for 10-12 years and then…NOTHING! What do you do during the suspension of nebulous activity? You try to prepare for something you’re not sure will happen, raise your fist in disdain because you feel cursed or maybe you reflect and realize that there is wisdom in the journey that can be shared with 99% of the people on the planet.

Stallworth will never drive again but he’ll play football as will likely Michael Vick. Pitino will continue to coach the University of Louisville largely due to the fact that he was somewhat forthcoming about his extramarital affair. You? You’re different. You probably won’t have your cake and eat it too. Chances are that if you made a mistake like theirs, it would cost you so much more. As it stands, the thing that has you “suspended” is an injury, or criticism or a bad review. You want to continue on the trajectory (path) you’ve chosen for yourself but now it’s in question. Just know that the thing you love can never be taken away from you if you look for God to show you how your story can benefit both you and others. Only one condition…BE READY TO GROW UP!

Make a habit of taking from others

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LEECH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s what you may have said when you read the title. But everyday I fight people who can’t receive anything. Offer to pay for lunch and they refuse as if the most grievous of all sins is to have someone render kindness their way. Is it because of the American work ethic that is so stout and pervasive? I’m gonna say no. We’re some of the most prideful people I’ve encountered in my limited travels to various countries. We don’t admit weakness which suggests that we have no need improvement. And we sure don’t accept charity which, I deduce, means that the presence of LOVE in our culture is greatly threatened. We’re one of two things from where I’m standing at 33 years old in Southern California. We’re either leeches, blood sucking parasites who take all that any fool will give us  or we are tyrants. We’re either thieving bumbs or control freaks. But there’s a middle category isn’t there?

Can’t you freely give and freely receive according to the law of genuine relatedness, the kind that does not seek to take advantage of a friend? I know good people and I know bad people. Neither fit well into the middle category because of pride and false perceptions about what you can expect from humans. But I learned something from sports and life that I’ll never forget, that sometimes you need charity and/or a gesture of kindness. No need to be intimidated by the friend reaching for his/her wallet across from you. Would you rather they reach for a weapon?

If you can’t receive gifts from people trying to give them to you, you’re as selfish as the thief. You have demeaned others and undermined the spirit God placed in us. I remember being given second chances in everything from Mrs. Zabiliski’s 8th-grade Pre-Algebra class to my college basketball squad. I didn’t always deserve the gifts but that’s not why they were given. Receiving what you don’t deserve has a way of humbling you into a paradigm of genuine generosity. It can change you from being a cancer to your team to being it’s life-blood.

The next time someone says, “I got lunch,” let ’em get it and quiet the voices in your head. No one thinks you’re a money grubbing mooch except you and that’s the person who knows the truth. If you’re a WHOLE individual, you can take and you can give. We’re all damaged a bit but the worst of us shows our wounds when we insult the efforts of others. Imagine the irony as people pray for blessings but spurn them when they materialize because, “I can pay for my own meal.”

It takes a gift and a recipient for kids to jumprope.
It takes a gift and a recipient for kids to jumprope.

Soapbox #2: Why no Women’s Sports highlights on ESPN?

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Ramona Rams Varsity Bball Summer Squad 2009
Ramona Rams Varsity Bball Summer Squad 2009

They can’t fine me if I Twit this because I don’t work for them or any professional sports league. The truth is that I attended my first WNBA game yesterday (LA Sparks vs. Indiana Fever). It was a great game, a fundamental game, an entertaining game – the type you would want to take your family to. There were no Laker Girls gyrating or movie star cameos adding a Red Carpet aura to an already star-studded venue. The crowd was good too, not even close to empty. And BTW (by the way) Lisa Leslie scored her 6,000th point of her illustrious career that comes to an end this year.

There was no mention of any of these elements on Sportscenter, ESPN news or the like but there was an NFL injury report so that you can keep that in mind during your fantasy football draft. And there was a story about Pau Gasol injuring his finger while training in Spain. I love Pau Gasol and how he’s helped the Lakers but his season doesn’t begin for a couple of months. WNBA is “Right Now”. I know that when being persuasive the rule is to include a counterargument to anticipate the other viewpoint’s rebuttal. Well…sports is not just a business. That’s what they’ll claim right? It’s better for our viewership if we air mostly male professional sports and an occasional feature piece about a high school wrestler who is a double-amputee (I loved that one by the way). ESPN is large enough with its semi-celebrity newscasters that it can now tell us what’s good for viewership. Air the women’s soccer, basketball, softball, etc. because most men on the planet can’t guard Tina Thompson or Candice Parker.

Does the ESPN go to Sparks games? They have some of the players in their “This is Sportscenter” commercials. So I’m a female sports advocate crying about Title IX equality and such. Whatever. I’m just tired of the world hiding behind the business excuse when they keep sports lovers from seeing all that’s good about competition and healthy sports environments. Business is what you make it. Athletics, as a rule, is genderless and that’s from a guy who didn’t always think that way.

Changing is not an option

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Change is often the most intimidating necessity.
Change is often the most intimidating necessity.

I once had a guest lecturer come to a Monday night class I was teaching at a local university and talk about her role in a field called “Change Management”. My friend is an expert at getting people to understand and adjust to change. At first I couldn’t believe that a company would actually pay her to buffer between the change makers (executives) and the change victims (the associates/staff). After her lecture, it was clear that most everyone except babies hate change.

On a team change comes in a plethora of forms (i.e. Coaching changes, offensive/defensive changes, player changes, objective changes etc.) and all of these usually encounter resistance. Familiarity is king in America and change is his arch nemesis. The older I get the more it’s clear that very few people like criticism because it would require them to change. In family, sport and business people refuse to look closely at themselves by inviting the perspectives of outsiders because only  “my opinion” matters. My opinion can be mine or that of those who think just like me but either way it’s inbred thinking and I’ve been told that most inbred things are malformed. Don’t quote me but I was told casually that dogs, for instance, develop defects in certain organs when they’re bred “too” purely.

There is a time for change in thought and deed, not for the sake of doing something different but so that you might become more aligned with truth. If you don’t like “changes”, there’s a non-exclusive club and a membership card for you (not really). If you’re brave enough to accept criticism, improve weaknesses and have non-emotional straight conversations then you are well on your way to living life the way it was intended – without delusion or pretense.

You might need a schedule

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The hardest thing to coral is time because it’s futile to attempt it. You only get 86,400 seconds in your day whether you’re Kanye West, Johnny Depp or Penelope Cruz. Time is beautifully elusive by nature of its ability to be unamused or manipulated. Time will not wait nor will it accelerate at the will of the highest bidder. Time is no respecter of persons and feels no sympathy but it does reveal a truth – that you better respect its operation and utilize the amount given to you.

Where there’s time there’s an event taking place in your world. I’m learning that planning is the non-negotiable that determines if I’m serious about impacting others with the truth. As I prepare to return to teaching, many of you are preparing to go back to learning. Some of you are past the formalized schooling but not beyond learning. You need a schedule, something to organize what you will learn, how you will learn and the arena to which you will apply your learning. There’s no time to fear the learning curve if you really want to use your 86,400 x _______ (the number of days remaining in your life) to effect change in a world run by opportunists and pleasure seekers. I’m in need of my own medication too…research about the correlation between Sport and Psychology, more research about how to run an effective seminar and curriculum writing for the coaches/players/CEOs I’ve been privileged to influence. PLENTY OF WORK + AN UNDISCLOSED AMOUNT OF TIME IN LIFE = NEED FOR SCHEDULING. Be intentional about being a voice that presents truth.

I Learned about Marriage from Not Playing Basketball

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Claudia and Norman bday 2008cropI f you were a pastor who performed 8 weddings and 2 of them ended in divorce would that make you 6-2 (6 wins/2 losses)? That’s probably not funny huh?

When I met my wife in 2004 I had just resigned from a full-time staff position at my church. In fact, we met through some mutual friends at a listening party I and my guitarist threw on the very day that was my last as a full-time church employee (music is a great expression form when I get the chance to do it.)

After my wife and I met, a series of events led me to an opportunity to pursue professional basketball for the second time. The reason for pursuing leaving my formal church post was to see if there was a way to serve the character development needs of NBA players. What better way to do this than to play your way into the realm if your body will allow it. So I trained. 5:00 a.m. weights, work as a substitute teacher, 80 ounces of water/day, shooting in the afternoon, games and a night shooting workout at any gym that would give me the keys and leave the lights on. This was the regimen for about 7-8 months. Then a funny thing happened in June 2005. I proposed and in September of 2005 I got a permanent teaching job and ended my playing pursuits.

I walked away from basketball because of my wife. Some professional NBA people said I could spend another year acquiring an agent and navigating my way onto a Pro Summer League team but it was time to NOT PLAY. Sounds sad but it’s far from cause for pity. By my late 20s I no longer held basketball in a place of authority. My life was not totally about me anymore. It had become more about sharing it and my wife was who I wanted to share life with. I see divorce with my own eyes constantly and I’m positive selfishness is the culprit. No one is innocent, myself included. When I perform weddings now I’ll be sure to ask the couple prior to the overly priced “Big Day” if they’re ready to divert their premeditated plans. I traded basketball aspirations for a partner and the beauty is that she likes “Hoop” too so I still won. If you’re married or thinking about the “M” word, think beyond your honeymoon.

The Strategy of a Rally: 1 Part Attitude 2 Parts Analysis

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People say they dislike cliches and trite phrases such as “Luck is simply preparation meeting opportunity” or “It ain’t over until the ‘Big Boned’ woman sings” (gotta stay politically correct for purely entertaining purposes.) But when Dodger Andre Ethier came to the plate last night in the bottom of the ninth representing the winning run and socked his 23rd homerun to seal a walk-off victory for the the best team in baseball, he provoked my curiosity.

Is there a strategy to a comeback win or have the Dodgers just gotten lucky 29 times this season? They’ve come from behind that many times and on 8 occasions, Andre Ethier has been the engineer of heartbreak for opposing pitchers. When he walked from the on deck circle to the batter’s box here’s what Ethier said he had analyzed, “He (Atlanta Braves Pitcher Peter Moylan) has three pitches. You can for the most part cross a few out in that situation just knowing the count [number of balls to strikes]. And if he does throw it, you take your chance in that situation, swinging. And that’s what I went there and did and looked for the right pitch in that spot and went and got it.”

See, there was #1 Prior knowledge of the opposition #2 Knowledge of the scenario and #3 The courageous plan to act based on the knowledge. Rallies are not luck and they’re not formed in a vacuum. And while we’re at it, what happened in the Dodger game last night is a simile comparison to your life. The bottom of the ninth inning is your final chance at victory. Yes there’s pressure and you dang well better respect that this is your last chance. Take it lightly and you blow it. Examples of bottoms of the ninth:

  • Parents are trusting me and paying for college for one more year
  • Coach is starting me despite my last two horrible games and I know it’s my last chance to prove myself
  • I’ve got to pass the California High School Exit Exam this time or I don’t graduate
  • One more technical foul and I’m suspended for the rest of the season
  • If I’m late to work one more time, I’m fired
  • We’re behind on bills and about to lose our home
  • I can’t stand to work another day at my job
  • She/He will leave me if I cheat on him/her one more time

    (AP Photo/Lori Shepler)
    (AP Photo/Lori Shepler)

The strategy of a rally is Poise (control) + Understanding of the Opponent (Obstacle) + Understanding of the situation. It’s more a formula than a magic potion and must be applied regularly for a season (undetermined period of time) to give you a chance for a comeback. If you like the idea of luck too much to abandon it so soon, play the lottery.