When things work opposite

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aberdare2When things work counter to what I deem normative I’m uncomfortable. I’ve lived in a perpetual state of frustration over everything from internal and external hypocrisy to the injustice of forcing children to take up arms in warfare. I sometimes still mutter to myself that humans betray their own intelligence by acting counter-intuitively when it comes to the so-called slam dunk decisions in life. Somehow or another I developed this hypersensitivity to lying, stealing, murdering, cheating, lacking compassion etc. I mean, it’s bad my “brothas” and “sistas” and it fuels a judgmental disposition that gets me in trouble…a lot.

But here’s the question I’ve been asking myself, “When things work opposite to what you you expect or know people are capable of, what should be my response?” These are those moments I like, the ones where it’s like you turn to yourself and say,”I’m glad you asked me the question.” It’s one thing to rehearse the musings that produce flammable thinking and make you angry all day. That’s what I’m prone to do. But the question mentioned earlier puts me on the spot and forces me to think resolutely about what I should do. My answer to myself is that I have a responsibility to the no-brainers. For Norman, there are so many great truths that God has revealed and I’ve been obstinate on more than one occasion. I know that when I’ve heeded the lessons afforded me by basketball and other walks of life, it’s been because of intentional relationship with God in all of its various struggles.

In the Ancient Near Eastern biblical collection known as the Psalms, up to a third of the songs are representations of human frustration. Dudes are crying out to God and likely because things are working “opposite”. What I’m getting is that there are polarizing norms in our world and they are unacceptable. I must never forget that. But it’s not proactive to bludgeon the world upside the head and diminish the importance of making sure that I, myself, don’t become one who works opposite thus becoming the very thing I hate.

The Pop Warner School of Fear

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Pop Warner“I wonder if I’m the only one,” is a subconscious statement I’ve made to myself innumerable times. That’s the statement that kept me from sharing fears and asking the tough questions from as far back as elementary school. I figured that if I was the only one, the question need not be asked and the fear was purely a rare condition. But I was asked recently about why a particular group of athletes lacked the “drive”, as it’s called, to compete despite having all of the mechanics of their respective sport. I didn’t have the answer readily available but see if this resonates.

When I was younger, I played one year of Pop Warner football and one of my positions was punter. I could kick a football over trees in practice but in the games, with defensive linemen rushing and my inexperience with a long snapper I would drop the ball or occasionally punt the ball over my head behind me. I was comedy in motion because of the limited time I had spent transitioning practice elements to game situations. But in the interest of keeping it real, I was scared, afraid of onlookers, afraid of failure in front of my team/coaches and afraid of being the reason for a loss.

There’s a difference between practice and a game, between controlled environments and wildly unpredictable competition. The variables of a game situation offer a complexity that only resembles the confines of a scrimmage and here are some of the contrasts:

Practice                                                   Game

  • Isolates specific skills                        Demands the use of random skills in combination
  • Conducted without officiating       Officiated by impartial judges who call you on your mistakes
  • Places you among teammates        Places you in competition with opponents (usually strangers)
  • Takes place with no audience         Takes place in front of people rooting either for or against you
  • Involves most/all players                 Involves the players that give the team the best chance to win

When you pay close attention to the dissimilarities between the game and practice constructs, you have to see that practice is meant to replicate and produce mastery. It’s meant to acquaint the competitor with situations and movements that can be applied instinctively at full-speed with maximum intensity. It’s also a time to build relationship with team members so there is no hesitation to take the risks in battle needed for you to perform at the highest level possible. Success is not likely if practice cannot be transferred over to the real deal. So now I’ve come to compete free of the pseudo-dignity…the obsessive concern with how I’ll be treated if I perform below expectation. To answer my friend’s question about how to get his team to have the drive I’d say, “Tell them to admit what they fear about going hard in the game.”

Beyond the Yellow Streak

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StPaul compressed
There's a beautfiul cathedral beyond the looming structures. Can you see it?

I wasn’t born tough. In fact, if you ask me, I had a pretty wide yellow streak down my back for much of my childhood and fear has been a regular visitor in my life ever since. We could quibble over whether or not being afraid makes you a coward; I know it doesn’t necessarily. Nevertheless, I was afraid of confrontation. I didn’t like fighting and I ran from one in particular when I was about 9 or 10 years old. I remember running from a kid with a knife and thanking God for speed. But the next day the “friends” who saw the whole event called me a coward for running.

I thought those friends were ridiculous but there was a part of me that believed it and knew that there was a hint of truth in their assessment. On other occasions, I was “jacked”, short for hijacked, by two or more guys. It seemed as a kid that every time I was threatened by someone it was more than one or a much older one trying to take something from me. I was deathly afraid in these situations because I immediately ran through the scenarios the fear affords you. “You’ll get beaten up, you’ll get killed, you’ll be embarrassed if you stand up to these people, etc.”

As I got older, the fear had less to do with confrontations with people; martial arts instruction did wonders for my confidence. But the yellow streak was still there when it came to basketball, spiritual life, pursuing further education, contributing professionally on the job. I was gripped by fear and prone to play things as safely as they could be played. It was just like the inner-city all over again , running from knife fights and feeling intimidated and over-matched. The yellow streak shined so brightly in my own eyes that to this day I struggle to think that I’m worth having a conversation with. I have a tendency even now to be long-winded simply because I’m afraid people will walk away from the conversation due to boredom. YELLOW!

I now know that FEARFUL is not a synonym for COWARDLY. But the perpetual fear that controlled my life was an indicator of cowardice. Everything I did was in the interest of security and safety. When I attempted to play professionally the first time, I wasn’t fully vested. I was distracted and didn’t seek proper individualized training. I can admit now how cowardice limited my perspective and dulled what brazen spirit lay dormant. I can also admit that seeing a greater purpose between and beyond the enemy combatants has fueled my fervor for engaging cowardice.

Cowardice looms, beckons and threatens me daily. I’m still the kid running out of a garage full of gang members who were seconds away from making me one of  “them”. But I’ve learned two things. #1 It’s not cowardly to run from a fight not worth fighting and #2 Where there is cowardice, there is also the gracious God-given strength to be fueled by a purpose that trumps misgivings about the future. As I discover what is worth fighting for, the yellow streak becomes narrower and quite dim.Stpaul2

The greatest test of character might be coaching

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I’m searching for a word that adequately describes this scenario: A coach leads his/her team to a well-played game that stops short of a win. The coach is sick to his/her stomach at the “nearness” of victory because he/she knows that were it not for a few miscues and a questionable call, the outcome would’ve been favorable. Immediately following the game the coach must face a locker room full of dejected athletes and restore their morale. The coach also has to face the media, in high profile sports markets, and not appear petty on camera.

I’m not sure what you call this ability but I admire it and am convinced that it’s arguably the hardest thing about being a leader. Humility, self-control and accountability mark the DNA of coaches who take those tough 24-20 losses like the Raiders did in their season home opener on Monday Night Football. Just hours earlier, the Buffalo Bills had suffered a similar fate, surrendering a lead late to the New England Patriots after outplaying them most of the game.

The coach defers credit for wins but takes the losses the hardest because he/she is accountable to the players who have entrusted themselves to him/her. The good coaches take losses the hardest but you’d never know it because they can “put it behind them” and honestly, they don’t have a choice. When the season begins, the time for preparation is condensed to a week-by-week or day-by-day basis. The emphasis shifts to damage control, shuffling line-ups and monitoring the physical and mental health of players. And if a coach rights the ship and gets on a roll in the win column, he/she deflects the credit to the people who have made the plays. Somehow, the coach is humbled to be in the presence of fierce competitors who process information and convert it into action. The coach respects this to no end and for this reason he/she welcomes blame for the losses and can’t wait to credit his/her team when the winning starts. I wonder if parenting and coaching bear similarities. Do parents feel untold grief over a child’s failure because they feel responsible? On the other hand, do parents watch from the background with pride as their children tackle challenges and see success realized?

Coaching is that tough gig masquerading as a cushy job. Don’t get bamboozled into leading a team because of the potential for accolades. If you’re worth your salt, it’s both the hardest and most rewarding thing you’ll ever do… if it’s done right.

Why I hate intimidation

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Have you ever noticed how many people use intimidation, wielding it like a prized possession? Any given Saturday or Sunday you can watch football players tackle one another and add nice little post scripts as they use their opponent’s face to get up off of the ground. Serena Williams was called for a foot-fault over the weekend and literally threatened bodily harm to the line judge which cost her the match and $10,000. Switch to the entertainment world and you’ll see Kanye West storm the stage to steal country singer Taylor Swift’s thunder by grabbing the mic during her Video Music Award acceptance speech and saying that “…Beyonce had one of the best videos of all time.” Kanye intimidated a 19-year old girl who was just glad to be in the building

I hate intimidation for two major reasons. #1 Simply put, I hate bullies and I would hate to be thought of as one. You can be 8 or 68 and if intimidation is the tactic by which you control environments, it’s definitely a sign of gross dysfunction because people allow you to control situations thus enabling destructive behavior. #2 I hate intimidation because I’m especially sensitive to the fact that I have been an inadvertent intimidator.

In the same way that people are self-conscious about weight, acne, baldness, etc. I’ve always been a little insecure about being a 6’5″ African American male because I’ve sensed that I can inadvertently intimidate people. Friends would read this post in bewilderment but I cross the street if I think I’m going to make the woman walking toward me uncomfortable. I do not raise my voice when my wife and I disagree. I abstain from the trash talking in pick-up basketball games and all because I don’t want false reactions from people based in fear. Intimidation is a cheap method of manipulating others and it robs them of the freedom to do their jobs and answer questions honestly. I’d love for someone to weigh in statistically and post a comment about how many people DON’T FEEL comfortable in confrontations. I’m pretty clueless on this one from a scientific standpoint. But I wonder if the bullies of the world are verbally and physically exploiting the masses through intimidation?

You need a Pete Carroll experience

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Pete Carroll is the coach of USC’s football juggernaut in case your spaceship just arrived to our planet. He’s the guy with the program that recruits players by itself and yesterday was a glimpse of why we all need a Pete Carroll experience.

The case-in-point is a true freshman named Matt Barkley who was named the starting quarterback just before their season opener against San Jose State. Barkley attended Mater Dei High School in Santa Ana, CA and left one semester early to get started at USC. Through spring practices and into late summer, Barkley competed with the prowess of a veteran and somehow convinced a man with extensive NFL coaching experience and the highest winning percentage among active football coaches that he should be the starter.

Convincing is one thing but the other, more important side of the equation for Matt Barkley is that Coach Carroll trusts him. With this season’s hopes of a national championship hanging in the balance and less than 6 minutes remaining in yesterday’s Ohio State game, Carroll trusted Barkley. USC struggled to find any rhythm throughout the game but when the Trojans needed to drive more than 80 yards for a game winning touchdown, Carroll let a true freshman determine the outcome by leading them to an 18-15 victory over the Buckeyes.

Can you remember the last coach, instructor, director, etc. who trusted you when it mattered? What can’t a person do if they are superbly prepared for battle and then trusted to execute that preparation. Coach Carroll is not a fool. He doesn’t indiscriminately hand over the reigns. Down the stretch he may even call all of the offensive plays but he has faith in his team, not just the freshman. From the cheap seats, it looks like Pete Carroll wins because he trusts. He runs a tight ship, never talks down the competition and makes his players believe that they can run through concrete naked. A coach who trusts his players is the coach of a team you don’t want to play.

Musical Chairs and the .03%

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An arranged marriage?
An arranged marriage?

The Inglewood Tigers was the first basketball team for which I played but the first competitive game I ever played was Musical Chairs. Talk about an extended metaphor for life. I remember crying because some girl in the middle of a growth spurt sat herself in that last chair after blocking me out  when the music stopped. Akin to this legendary game that introduces players young and old to the cruelty of attrition, the National Basketball Association has no shortage of applicants and currently thrives on the astronomical aspirations of millions of boys around the world.

Musical chairs could have been the predecessor of the modern casino. You could gather 20, 50, maybe a thousand of your closest friends and play but there’s one seat available at game’s end. An unconfirmed statistic puts the number of Division I Basketball Teams at 347. Most basketball rosters carry between 12-13 active players. 13 x 347 = 4164. Another online statistic puts the number of high schools in the United States at somewhere around 26,407. It’s a safe guess that, aside from all girls high schools, most of the 26,407 or so have boys varsity basketball teams. Keep the rule of 12-13 on a roster and that’s 343,291 players. The question is, how many of those 343,291 really think they have a shot at the league? Well, statistics say:

2.9 % of high school seniors play basketball in an NCAA college
1.3% of college seniors are drafted by an NBA team
.03% of high school seniors are drafted by an NBA team

It’s only a downer if you’re into musical chairs to be the last woman/man sitting. The older I get the more I think that Musical Chairs is about the music and the suspense. It’s a whole different game if you hire a DJ and get voted dance champion by night’s end because you got around those chairs with flair. The percentages remind you that there’s lots of people on this planet and though you may know someone in the .03, 1.3 or 2.9%, you don’t have to be them to compete with passion and enjoy the game. I wish I knew that in 1985 but I was only 10 years old; cut me a break.Inglewood Tigers