Me as antidote: Third Dose

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For me, being the antidote starts with a willingness to say hello. I look at some people, listen to some people, am offended by some people so much so that I give up on them and on moral excellence. But there’s never been anything wrong with virtue as it doesn’t have an expiration date. The more we encounter destructive thinking and behavior, the deeper we should delve into our true ability to be “given against” such things. Why in the world would we become the thing we revile? Why? Because there’s a little toxin in us all and unlike the body, we get to choose whether or not we develop the antibodies or not. If we desire, we can be overrun with the influence of disintegration. Division has an addictive quality to it. But we have within us the divine capacity to reintegrate.

Every stranger can’t be my enemy and not all my teammates want to take what I have. We’ve become so suspicious and prejudiced that the notion of loving one’s neighbor as him/herself is nearly impossible. But still, we are the antidote and the chemical composition of “us” is basic stuff like: hello, holding the door for the person behind us, learning someone else’ story, doing things without expecting a thank you and cleaning up messes we’ve made. No one questions whether or not it is better to help society live than die. We question whether or not we play a role in making it live. Yet we know full well…what we are. Listen intently to your complaints today. Write them, meditate on them, simmer even! Note how they make you feel and then be “given against” them. Ask yourself if your complaints have led you to do what’s right simply because it’s right. If they’ve led you elsewhere, just know that your real identity is as ANTIDOTE not venom.

Me as Antidote: Second Dose

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We do it all the time, choosing the poison of retaliation as modus operandi. Our operating system often looks a lot like living under the control of impulse and convenience, blaming and targeting others as interlopers to our expectations. But antidotes restore vitality. We are the antidote(s). And personally, here are a couple of stifling realities I experience that poison me. #1 Racism #2 Classicism #3 Theft. These toxins mess up everything they touch and they’re easy to both hate and replicate. One minute I’m complaining that a non-black doesn’t understand why I brush my hair or keeps mistaking me for the other black guy. The next I’m using broad strokes in a conversation to demonize that group of people. Two wrongs still don’t make a right. Sounds like poison being prescribed to cure a snake bite.

I’m convinced more than ever, though, that we are the antidote. An antidote is meant to heal. But maybe most of us humans, no matter our religion, really enjoy getting even more than we do healing. Somehow we think that one middle finger begets another. We think that the best way to protect our children is by isolating them and keeping them in view. But I’m convinced that there would be less Amber alerts if the village at large was allowed to look after our kids a bit. The villagers would dispose of pedophiles and the like.

Me as Antidote – Dose 1

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The word “antidote” has this greek rendering that means “given against.” It’s the counter agent to whatever toxin you’ve been exposed. In 2007 I was stung by no less than 15 wasps at once. My wife happened to come outside as I was writhing in the driveway. She remembered that mud is said to function as an analgesic and proceeded to turn on the hose. She made some mud, smeared all over my head where most of the stings occurred and the pain gradually subsided. How do we treat our figurative wasp stings?

 

Antidotes, I’ve read, can be created by injecting small amounts of a poison into an animal so it can naturally produce antibodies. Those antibodies can then be extracted to save say a human life. But in our world, what if the venom is unkindness, isolation and self-absorption? When people insist on not making eye contact with me, I usually let ’em off the hook. I don’t engage. I have neighbors on either side of me that I don’t know. Many strangers don’t want to know me (venom) and I respond in kind by pretending I don’t care (also venom). Huh? The antidote to unkindness, isolation and self-absorption is certainly not to reflect those non-virtues. But isn’t that what we do? Tit-for-Tat? A husband cheats on his wife and she fixes his wagon with a comparable act. Your teammate won’t pass you the ball so on a routine 3-on-2 fast break you return the solid and cost your team buckets. There’s a small picture and a big picture that we see in the worlds in which we live. Focusing on the small one is always the most poisonous because it’s only about us. (Part 2 tomorrow…)

 

THE UNSUNG ESSENTIAL

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So I’m talking to this guy today who will probably play in the NBA in the next 1-3 seasons when I realize, “Yo, this dude is surprisingly humble.” And I can’t help but think that it is this one quality that will make him a great pro.

Humility is that virtue that everybody respects but really thinks is a sign of weakness. Let’s be honest. But there’s something about knowing there’s other great players in the world besides you, knowing that complacency can undo you at any moment, that stimulates a competitive drive. And as I talked with this guy, I could sense his appreciation for generosity and a place to workout. There’s a nice gym where I work so one day at the “baba” shop we had both just gotten fresh cuts when I ran into him and we traded information. He was lookin’ for a place to get some private workouts in which can be challenging when you’re an international professional player in town for the summer. So I obliged and watched his relentless work ethic. I opened the gym for him one night at 11 p.m. and he text me at 2:44 a.m. like…”thanks Norm, I really appreciate it.”

So as I’m talking to him today he’s telling me how he knows what intensity he needs to train at for it to be valuable. He said a lot of guys don’t have an imagination when they do individual training. “I’ve pretty much seen every defense that can be thrown at me so when I’m working out I can visualize what the help defense is going to do and work on moves that counter,…” he continued. What?

In sports we talk about mental toughness which usually translates to playing through pain or fighting fatigue. But what about seeing what isn’t there. Who teaches that? Who practices like that? Jonathan Gibson a.k.a. “J Gibb”does. And that takes humility. As good as he is, it would be both easy and acceptable for him to be content with a career in Europe where he’s had tremendous success already. But he respects his friends, his barber, people he’s just met, a church facility that happens to have a gym and his unseen opponents. He’s a temperate dude, the kind of guy who always looks like he’s about to smile but will destroy you based on countless hours of preparation. Ask anybody from West Covina, CA who knows hoop and they’ll concur.

Humility is as much trade craft in basketball as a crossover counter move or running floater. It is the ultimate intangible, the very skeleton supporting other virtues like tenacity, motivation and resolve under pressure. To be humble is to be acquainted with your mortality. One of the most human things one can be is humble. And while plenty of prideful ingrates have enjoyed success, the true professional is defined by humility. #JGibb2NBA

The ISO Play

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In basketball an isolation play (the “ISO”) is me takin’ you straight to the cup (basket) and embarrassing you in front of your family. But round-ball purists would say the individual skill to beat a guy one-on-one is overdone. Realists who live by modern assessments of the game would say, “Ain’t no team game without a couple of really good one-on-one players.” Who’s right?

Isolation is an art form if you’ve watched how some of these NBA hoopers evade their human obstacles. I mean, that’s what a defender is right? An obstacle? There’s 30 teams in the NBA and they hold onto about 12-13 players who actually suit up. That’s just under 400 jobs for some of the best athletes in the world. And yet of the 400 of them how many are Kevin Durant-like and can get off any shot at will. You’ve got to consider the ingredients of the rarest players currently in the league. Durant is 6’11” with, I’m told, a 7’10” wing span and guard ball handling skills. Lebron James is 6’9″ and 250 pounds and Kobe Bryant has the coordination of a European soccer player. My point being that the isolation game requires either thousands of hours of rigorous practice, not ironically, in isolation or freakish physical advantages a la Shaquille O’neal’s mountainous frame. Either you isolate yourself in preparation so you can destroy your opponent when you get him one-on-one or you punish foes because you have natural ability to do it.

I guess what I’m saying is that the ability to thrive in isolated situations is not common, even among the elite athletes of the world. Most people rarely encounter confrontation and so combat is both foreign and grossly intimidating. Most aren’t prepared for a one-on-one and don’t have the inherent skills to triumph in a one-on-one. And yet what do we see in the NBA and in life? I see lot of people attempting one-on-one exploits with one-on-none skills. And is life not similar as we battle various addictions, fears and insecurities with prideful hearts? There’s a handful of people in sports who can do what they want when they want, again because of the countless hours of prep and /or physical prowess. So how do we become good in life’s isolation play you ask? It’s starts with humility and respect. Are we humble enough to admit weakness and risk being vulnerable? And do we respect the opponent (i.e. life’s challenges) enough to prepare spiritually?

DON’T TAKE MUCH

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One of my former players’ dad gave me this calendar. It sits on my desk at home and I usually change the date as often as I remember. The verse stays the same for weeks at a time. But on this one, if Lamentations 3:25 is true it makes no sense. Consider the concept whether you religious or not:

“The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him.”

Ain’t no way it’s that simple because if there is a superlative God, such minimal requirements for him being good to me seem non sequitur at best. It doesnt’ follow that all I need do is trust and suddenly I merit good.

Let me tell you what it takes to make me good to someone. Norman is good to those who approve him, think him intelligent, consider him an authority of some sort in the things of formation and eloquent waxing. I’m good when I want to be good. Yo just being honest. For me to be good to someone it takes resisting arrogance and remembering that my anger, unchecked, produces bad. Even in marriage, it takes much for me to be good and yet the God of what we call scripture requires hope, waiting, refuge seeking…only!

Time to review. The God characterized in what the Christian Church considers holy writ puts forth that he responds well to humanity when humanity depends on him. And now enters the curiosity of men and women worldwide whether they realize it or not because the one condition God has posited is not to our liking. Think of it like this. You go out to a steakhouse, let’s say Houston’s out in Pasadena, and you’re wearing your favorite baseball cap. You don’t need a menu because your order is scripted…FILET MIGNON MEDIUM. This is the place that does it the way you want it done. This is the one place you’ll be eating tonight because you’ve done the due diligence and tonight is about eating not perusing local fare. Tonight is not about finding comparable cuisine, that is…it wasn’t until you walked in only to be told, “Sir, I’m sorry but we don’t allow head-wear on men in this restaurant.” Now it’s hat or dinner and you choose hat. Filet Mignon, the way you want it, will have to wait ’cause yo, “don’t nobody tell me I can’t wear a hat in public.”

At least in theory, it don’t take much with this biblical God. Question is, when did people start making it take much? When did placing hope in, seeking refuge in and waiting on become so trivial, so disputable, so aversive? When there’s tragedy, even the non-religious cry out from soul for the good of God, whoever and wherever he might be. So if Pearl Harbor, Somalia, Slavery, Vietnam and 9-11 are any indication, there’s no use in asking whether or not we as humans desire the good of God. The question is why though it doesn’t take much to get the “good” we’re not willing to give what little it does take.

REAL-TOO-REAL

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I’ve lived more years out of the ‘hood than I ever did in it. I was 14 when moms moved us from South Central Los Angeles to a city 30 minutes east of downtown LA, West Covina. But the more I watch 30for30 and ESPN60, the more I’m reminded that there must be another world that somehow missed the rumblings of inner city life. There is an utter fascination with Benji Wilsons and Len Biases. And I guess this is why I find myself talking about the past more than I ever thought I would.

The older I become, the more introspective I get reflecting on the structures, and impetuses that have shaped my character. People are curious about why you didn’t turn out worse, a strange curiosity if you ask me. As I explain how from 1984-1989 I attended a school more than an hour’s drive away, mouths drop. You talk of neighborhood shootings while wanting to rave about the Chili Fritos you used to eat at South Park during the summer. There was good and bad in the ‘hood.

But there’s an obsession with the extreme, the heinous and the destructive, always has been and I reckon there always will be. I mean, everyone likes a good story as long as they don’t have to live it right? Whatever. Sometimes I feel pretentious about sharing where I’m from – that is until I realize how foreign where I’m from is to many Americans. Fallen stars and risen everyday people alike bear color. I guess it’s somewhat en vogue now, the medium of reality that has become theater. I suppose there’s more harm in real stories not being told. #espn #livedocumentaries #realtalk #keepit100