Burn the ships not the bridge

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Legend has it that in 1519 Hernan Cortes with a fleet of 12 ships transporting hundreds of soldiers, a dozen or so horses and some canons set out to conquer the Aztec empire and capture its wealth. Once they landed ashore, Cortes ordered the burning of his ships to prevent retreat.

Leaving comfort for risk is counter-intuitive. It goes against our natural instinct to protect what we’ve worked hard to establish. But if there is one thing I’m still learning, it’s that preventing retreat is not the same as ruining the chance for future relationship. Burning the ships suddenly adds urgency to the mission. No longer is it optional to plan, to fight, to compete. Flippancy turns to compulsion and we need this spark to pursue and vanquish the enemies of humanity.

Burning a bridge means you brandish arrogance as you head for the exits. You don’t value the friendships or professional relationships you’ve created. Bridge burning is code for the world’s greatest gamble – not being grateful when you move through the seasons of life. The gamble is realized should you ever need to flip a u-turn.

Strong to the Finish (Spinach Optional)

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Strong to the Finish...Spinach Optional
Strong to the Finish...Spinach Optional

The Lame Duck was and is the injured duck who can no longer keep up with the flock and has become a target for predators. A burning bridge is…well…a burning bridge and you neither want to be on it or the cause of it.

In the 19th century, the term Lame Duck began to be used for an official approaching the end of a term who had very limited political power. The Lame Duck is often accused of taking his proverbial foot off of the gas because he can’t get much accomplished. Put the words Lame Duck with Burning Bridge, however, and it sounds like Jackie Chan just entered the building. It makes for an exciting image.

I’m currently in the process of leaving one career and attempting a new one (actually the same one just under a different guise). But the last thing I want is to finish like a chump – a word used throughout the years to refer to a foolish person. Only a chump leaves his job with guns blazing in a tirade of apathy and contempt.

Basketball taught me how to win and I’m still learning how to lose with class but leaving one job, team, organization, etc. for another means doing so with dignity. Strong to the “finich.”

Foolish to them

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Last week I asked my students why they cover their answers when I walk up and down the rows in my classroom and almost in unison they retorted, “We don’t want to be told we’re wrong,” to which I replied, “But what if you are wrong?” My response was 80 percent jest. I posed a second question as to what’s the worst of these three: #1 Embarrassment #2 Suspension from School and #3 Hunger. Of the 32 or so who voted, embarrassment topped the list overwhelmingly. About 20 students said they hate or fear embarrassment more than even being hungry.

I couldn’t argue that I was any different than them. When I asked, “What if you are wrong and need correcting,” one student said, “If we’re wrong, aren’t we about to find out when students start shouting out the answers? Aren’t you going to let us know who’s right and who’s wrong? Isn’t that the point of the Do Now [activity we do at the start of class]?” He was respectful and I couldn’t argue with that either.

Maybe we live in a culture of the ridiculous meaning, people take joy in ridiculing others to the extent that no one wants to appear foolish. and when no one wants to appear foolish, no one attempts great things. No one values novelty, originality or creativity. This “culture of ridicule” surrounded me in the 1980s and doubtless many who came before me. That’s why I was ashamed of my G.P.A. and my broad music taste. Why admit you enjoy your honors classes, Kenny Loggins and gospel music when it’s more acceptable to listen to Ice Cube, feign ignorance and brandish bravado after school

Embarrassment is the sum of all fears and maybe these kids of mine were onto something. The question is whether or not we’re willing to risk looking foolish in order to truly compete against the PRETENSE.

Press to Talk

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Pastor Chuck once told me that on any given Sunday he tried to have as many meaningful conversations as possible. Whether it ended up being one or 15, pastor Chuck was the kind of gentleman that people still speak well of 10 years after his death.I’m convinced it’s in part because he valued people and made genuine interactions the goal.

Today I talked to a neighbor for about 30 minutes when honestly I had intended to use those minutes to clean up that jealous lawn in need of weeding and mowing. My neighbor is struggling to find work like many Californians and he and I talk irregularly when one of us catches the other outside .

I had a basketball game this afternoon as well and mixed in some conversation between free throws, timeouts and dead balls. The side banter was fun I discovered. It always is but it takes a minute or a day to realize the truth of Pastor Chuck’s inadvertent advice. Meaningful discourse leads to everything from friendships to NBA tryouts. That’s what I’ve found. It begins casually but can have lasting effects of spousal proportion (I met my wife based on a casual conversation with my eventual best man.) It’s hard to believe that decisions like running for President begin with a conversation. Never underestimate the power of pressing yourself to talk.

A success you can stand

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When success is  in reach but requires unprecedented commitment I get nervous. As a player I used to feel fatigue creep up on me during a game and mutter, “win or lose let’s just get this thing over with.” There was a part of me that didn’t care about victory but rather more about comfort and a return to normalcy. I’ve asked players that I coach about this phenomenon and they say they encounter it. The voices I used to hear are still flooding the minds of young athletes everywhere and trying to convince them that sacrificial competition is not a must.

But something in me knew the voices were a fraud. They wanted me to believe I was too tired to go on when the truth is we rarely, if ever, know the true capacity that lies in us. Another mile, one more transition, an overtime period. There’s always more we can do but to abdicate our responsibility to the team is to avoid success.

Destiny is misleading because it sounds like the kind of thing you run into if you just stay on the road long enough. But that’s about as ridiculous as thinking that leaving a cake in an unlit oven produces dessert. The road to destiny is littered with difficult decisions that must be navigated if you are to avoid becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.  When I was tired in those games and wanted to quit it was a sign of cowardice. If I don’t try I can say, “Well we competed well today, just came up short.” You can say that because no one would ever know that you decided not to risk becoming more fatigued. No one will know that you desired failure rather than the possibility of embarrassment.

Competition means preparation, exhaustion, risk and faith. Let it be said that you can stand to be successful because your commitment is unmistakable.

Can’t you see grown folks talking here?

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Leon Powe of the Boston Celtics with pre or current teens

Remember that? We called it “ear hustling” but you might know it as eavesdropping when a kid is caught listening to a grown-up conversation. Grown ups talk about a lot of things but actually being one is blog worthy.

I both teach teens and was a teen and ex-teens are not so different than their baby-faced counterparts aside from a little weight gain, gray hair and/or lost hair. The ex-teens play video games, do social networking online and instant message on a carpal tunnel inducing level.

But the ex-teens and teens diverge at some point and it’s not necessarily at the corner of BECAUSE I SAID SO and I’M OVER 30. They part ways when the ex-teen looks in the eyes of teens who were born when he was still a high school senior. He stares at the teen, as if into a mirror, and then as he says his goodbyes, the ex-teen shares the emotion. The ex-teen remembers how his world was devastated by the departure of a role model. Fear, anxiety and loss all flood the teen. But the ex-teen is no longer a peer and can both sympathize and appreciate the lesson being taught to the teen. The ex-teen has become a guide upon whom teens depend. One day we all get to be grown folk.

Some notes on Coaching Girls

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family and friends 034Don’t be misled by the title. I don’t know much on the subject but I’ve been thoroughly intrigued by the discoveries I’ve made concerning female basketball players. The discovery is actually more like a revelation, something that when excavated has a profound impact on how you think as a leader.

There are many obvious differences between female and male athletes but here’s what I’ve picked up.

#1 Loyalty

Girls have lots of it if they respect and trust the leader. There isn’t much my girls won’t do to compete at the level of expectation. You want a girl to take four charges in a game? You got it. She’ll fall down more willingly than a boy in many cases, not because it’s easy on a woman’s frame but because that’s what a loyal athlete does – exactly what the coach asks.

#2 Smile-Cry-Smile

There’s an allowable range of emotions among the girls that I’ve never seen in boys. They possess the ability to smile before during and after games flowing from frustration to harmony. Girls hold grudges but in the heat of competition it just looks like they’re enjoying more of the journey instead of waiting for an outcome.

#3 Honesty, Comparison and Competition

Girls don’t always appreciate honesty in a coach. Who does? It can be brutal. But girls are under immense pressure to mimic an image from media. They need the reinforced message that fraudulent comparisons are a bad form of competition. It’s imperative that girls have a trustworthy mentor who removes superficial expectations and replaces them with sincere ones.

#4 Detail is King

Girls appreciate the detail you pay to them and the skills they’re trying to improve. There’s enough cross gender comparisons to ruin a coaching experience. My girls always value that someone knowledgeable takes the time to explain a skill or concept that will make them successful. They have foresight (most of the time).

It’s one of the best kept secrets that coaching girls is a service made even more precious by the unique group of ladies who cherish whatever you’re willing to share.