My mom tried fighting my battles on more than one occasion and I can’t blame her for that. It’s what a parent does. But it was this beloved protectiveness that helped me to become immune to embarrassment. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my involvement in basketball, it’s that you can’t make it through life being easily embarrassed.

Mom attended more of my games than anyone I ever invited, yelling and screaming from the grandstands to put me in the game. She was at home fuming when my long face walked through the door after having sat the bench all night. On countless occasions she threatened to talk to my coach at which I responded, “If you do that mom, I’ll quit myself.” I think the thing I feared most was embarrassment because of the negative attention it elicited. Sit the bench and you’re a laughing stock. Play during the final 30 seconds when the game is virtually over and…you’re still the object of ridicule. Have your parent approach a coach who you know couldn’t care less about their frustration and all social capital is lost. Man, let’s just load up the car tonight and leave for Texas or some place far away from West Covina, California. That’s how I felt.

Embarrassment loomed as I attempted to master basketball and just fly under the radar in my social circles of high school and college. It was the nemesis of my existence because I wanted what so many of us desire, the respect of the world around us. But the world outside my window was no different than yours – overrun with people embattling the same fear. Who wants to be on the team but not really on the team, you know what I mean? Who wants to walk through a school campus being smiled at all day only to find that your zipper has been down since 8 a.m. and there’s toilet tissue hanging out of the seat of your jeans? Embarrassment was a paralyzing force in my life and then…

I stopped caring. I realized that there’s the me others see, the me I see and the me God sees. Again with the religious stuff. But people always want to know why I’m even kiel. They say, “How are you so positive?” as if it is formed out of thin air. Nothing is. I’m upbeat and not easily shaken for one reason. I don’t care anymore about embarrassment because it’s part of risking. Anything worth while is risky and not without potential for humiliation. Behind the jeering of onlookers is a blatant remark that goes, “If you had just been more like us you wouldn’t look so stupid right now.” Some truth lies in that. But If I’d listened to that crowd I would have given up basketball, my faith and most of the meaningful pieces that have formed my life. Embarrassment is not an evil simply because of how it makes one feel. It’s an insidious adversary because it can derail your vision and sense of hope. Embarrassment can leave you impotent and devoid of inspiration. I learned that from NOT playing basketball.

I used to rent a room from a couple of wonderful people who lived in Arcadia, CA. Their sons were and are like brothers to me despite the skin color difference lol. The dad is an independent contractor and the mom did work with a para church organization back then. I was in grad school struggling to manage school, work and my relationship with my girlfriend. But theirs was the kind of home that you just walked into and instantly felt better. Oh and they had a Chocolate Labrador named Bailey.

We were all Christians in that house but as most Americans know, that can mean any number of things. Nevertheless, the mom got up most mornings and turned her worship music up while she cleaned. She danced literally like you would when your favorite song came on. She sang and she blew the Shofar, an actual ram’s horn used in the Jewish tradition to announce war, peace and the coronoation of Yahweh (God). This was regular. There was something that came across very clear to me as I dealt with my personal issues of disappointment, confusion, shame and inadequacy. One must decide daily what and who will rule in their lives.

This doesn’t mean that everyone will agree on what or who will rule their lives. Some choose themselves as they are absorbed with pride. Most Americans I’ve met who would check off  “___ Christian” if surveyed for religious preferences never seem interested in what my landlord mom used to do. Everyday is a decision to be ruled by something because where we live there is hierarchy. That means something or someone is calling the shots at all times whether its greed, worry, desperation or some other force. Landlord mom knew that the day ahead was unpredictable. She blew the Shofar to establish a precedent – that today nothing thwarts the ultimate authority of God. “Well what if I think God is a hoax?” said the blog reader. Answer: As a result of that stance, what have you decided will be your motivation for how you deal with:

• success
• failure
• tests
• tragedy (death, injury, betrayal)
• boredom
• insults
• challenges
• ETC

Clear distinctions are often made between academic smarts and common sense as if one is preferable over the other. And I suppose the verdict to that debate depends on what kind of subculture you frequent. But if we turn our attention to the latter (common sense) it does open the door to a colorful conversation.

Unlike the image to the left, not all lessons come at a steep and painful price. But then again, if I’m truthful, I learn obedience to God, discipline, faith and a host of other virtues from the journey. For instance, I learned about the dangers of peer pressure by experiencing the banishment that results when you don’t give in to it. That’s one example.

I mean, we always talk about the dangers of doing what the crowd says to do but what about when you don’t and are punished. That’s the “UNIVERCITY” in which adolescents live. That’s the school we all attend and the rearing grounds in which we’re tested. Refuse peer pressure, experience rejection and learn that if you’re willing to suffer the abuse, the autonomy of right choices is very much worth it. Could it be that you weren’t put here to arrive some place but rather to pay close attention to today’s lesson whatever it is? Universal lessons are being taught all throughout the city and there’s no waiting list nor an add/drop deadline. The syllabus is hard to come by but one thing is guaranteed. Everything you learn will be used after graduation.

Two years ago a student told me he felt he was put on the Earth to “gang bang” – that is to be a gang member. At least he had an answer when I asked him this question, “What’s your purpose here?” Most young people don’t know their purpose but maybe it’s because they’ve never been asked what it is. Really, how old do you have to be to grasp that you can be and already are part of something bigger than your self?

There is a collision when people learn a sense of purpose because they, I mean We, are confronted with an “Aw Man Crisis”. That’s when your purpose beckons you to move to a new career or city, break up with a significant other or create what doesn’t exist and you say “Aw Man!” The collision is between faith and purpose. Do we have faith to execute purpose?

My hunch is that it’s easier to live when you pretend to be ignorant of purpose. Life then becomes a comedy of random activity in which anything, including apathy, is justified. The sooner we ask young people, old people, ourselves to identify and respond to purpose, the less foreign it is. The less intimidating it is. It’s very possible that life is merely a drill until we discover and begin living according to purpose.