ONE

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Oneness is a mystery, unity an enigma. The concept is elementary. The application near impossible. Even teams that win championships seldom achieve unity, though they brag as if they have when what they’ve actually done is manipulate rosters and pay obscene amounts of money to guys motivated to make even more money.

True oneness is a selfless serving that values others more than ones self. It’s already sounding religious isn’t it. But take the religious out and you still have a model that produces unfathomable results. I was visiting the Huntington Library and Gardens on a rainy Sunday afternoon two days ago when I went into a library collection that featured artifacts such as the Gutenberg Bible, early editions of classic literature and hand written memos from various authors. Then I made my way over to a copy of the Narrative of the life of Frederick Douglass’ An American Slave. I read an excerpt and was immediately reminded of the brutality that is part of American History. But I was also reminded of the finger pointing by other nations at our United States History, the hypocrisy. I was reminded of the plight of Native Americans and Haitians whose revolution resulted in the sale of Louisiana territory by the French resulting in the addition of three slave states to the union. As I toured, I saw division documented everywhere…between the super power nations of the last 500 years. And I thought, “Oneness requires selfless service.” Our world is not a selfless place.

That’s why we’re amazed by benevolence and caring for the less fortunate. Oneness means seeing a genuine value in the lives of those you come in contact with everyday. In America we like switches. It’s December so let’s turn on the Christmas switch and be kind. Of course, such kindness is usually only directed toward our own families. If we are ONE, it is a ONEness governed by a solitary idol of wealth, entertainment, pleasure and convenience. But there is a greater ONEness that if realized would join us in the cause of being honest. No more worshiping stars who waste time, money and resources drawing attention to themselves. No more idolizing men who, aside from extraordinary athletic ability, offer little to the leading of our young people. ONEness doesn’t mean we all agree. It means we submit to the truth and such a submission is arguably the most courageous endeavor we have before us. If we can be unified about anything, let’s be unified about the truth, past and present. Let’s stop pretending to live and actually live with an interest in developing others. More to come…

WHAT NEXT?

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Now that Brett Favre is hurt, Kobe is entering the latter stages of his career and Tiger’s gaze no longer intimidates golfers worldwide it’s appropriate to ask, “What’s next?” What is the next step after you’ve been defined by one thing for so long? How do you move onto equally valuable pursuits that reproduce a learning curve you’ve not known in some time? What is the mindset you should have when moving from a place of mastery to a place where you’re required to both learn and serve?

I coach a basketball team that is all seniors. Every single dude on the squad is headed to college next year. Every single one is only months removed from the post-high school doldrums/hysteria. But for these cats what’s next at least has protocol. They have material to work with having seen others go off to college before them. But to their credit, it’s still very foreign as is much of what you and I are attempting in the next phase.

I can’t help but wonder why we spend so much time casting our own images in bronze, so-to-speak, only to find ourselves redeployed to a new location, endeavor or service altogether. “Next” is hard because it often involves abandonment of something. “Next” is like that cold  walk to the car as a half-sleep 6 year old leaving your friend’s house after mom or pop picked you up. You were in your buddy’s room or on the couch or on the floor knocked out. Then the parent arrived from wherever, wrapped you in a jacket and ushered you briskly to the car for the ride home. And one thing’s for sure, that ride home is never as comfortable as being in a bed. That’s why “Next” is hard.

“Next” might be hard because it’s not like the walk to the car as a six-year-old. “Next” could be maddening and frustrating because it feels more like the walk to a car that IS home because your family has just been evicted. “Next” occurs without notice sometimes as economies turn and layoffs ensue. Nevertheless, you can be certain that there is divine creativity in the “next.” You will be enlivened by the “next” should you not scorn its arrival. I’m in the “next” right now and trying to embrace the role as head coach, pastor guy, husband, wanna-be entrepreneur, etc. If I didn’t care so little about my image I might actually be embarrassed that I’m so fallible in every area listed in that last sentence. But by grace I know that what to do “next” is quite a bit less daunting when you realize it’s the natural course.

I don’t need no stinkin’ coaching.

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From the time we’re children to the present we’ve resisted help. From tying my own shoes to paying my own rent I’ve always desired independence, autonomy and self-sufficiency. I’m not sure where it originates but something materializes in man that makes for hard headed rebellion. My mom used to say that a “hard head makes a soft bottom.” You can post your comment if you’re not sure what that means. At any rate, the irony is that we find ourselves in the position of coach at some point in life. We’re coaching our own sons and daughters, coaching subordinates at work, coaching our group mates for a school project, etc. We set out to lead and we’re disgruntled when “they” don’t follow. But following is a learned posture is it not? I’d say it’s a life skill except for the fact that following has always been a decision in my life opposed most often by my pride. And pride is no more a skill than breathing. So I’m convinced that the greater part of coaching has little to do with arguing and being domineering and more to do with presenting the truth, outcomes resulting from it and outcomes resulting from evading it.

I recently attempted to host a basketball clinic for men over 30 years old and got one registrant. The word on the street was that lots of fellas are ready to get in the gym, that loads of dads have been so busy being dad that they’ve lost a step on the drive to the basket. So enter the clinic. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime right? Practice like you once did back before bills and beer. And yet no responses? What the… But maybe I was the culprit, using taglines on my website such as “Just because you pay bills doesn’t mean you can play basketball.” Call it humor or sarcasm. Maybe that line comes across as an indictment. I’m not sure. What I do know is that everyday I’m reminded that communication will either allow or disallow the intent to coach. I can’t force consulting, coaching or tutelage on people. Neither can you. But we can show an interest in our subordinates and validate what they already do well. I knew at age 5 that nobody likes a know-it-all, including me. But I also know that nobody arrives to greatness without mentoring and shepherding. So maybe that’s the task for the week. How can I be a better mentor/shepherd? How can I get guys and girls 30 and older to come to a basketball clinic without them feeling embarrassed? How can I offer resources to the people I serve without them feeling like I’m the resident expert? What works for you when you lead? Talk to me.

A REAL STEAL

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When my home’s front door got kicked in last week, I was upset. My wife was furious. Talk about real. There’s likely nothing more real than somebody coming in your house without an invitation, especially when you’re not home. Surprisingly I’ve spoken to probably three friends minimum who all have experienced burglary. Apparently there’s nothing novel about stealing and that’s probably why a commandment is devoted to it. Nevertheless, whoever the interloper was, he got his snatch and grab on and then jettisoned before his 90-second timed episode turned into a confrontation with the sheriff. I was notified by my wife asking, “Are you at home because ADT said our front door is open.” I paused after call trying to decide if I should head home. Somehow in my mind I thought it was all good – that maybe it was just a fallen picture that had set off the alarm. But to think that would be to change the truth. Norman, are you stupid, hard of hearing or both? Your wife said, “ADT said our front door is open.” Bro that means you’ve been trespassed upon.

That internal exchange took seconds before I hopped in the ride and made my way home. So the violator damaged the door jam and swiped a six-year old computer unknowingly. What’s the lesson here? I’m always telling people about the lesson forged through the hardship, the wisdom in the narrative but this one left me head scratchin’. I’m standing in on the porch sweeping debris and thinking about how roberries are often far worse. They come in much more grim varieties and my wife and I were actually spared. Whether you call it gettin’ jacked, robbed, ganked, got, etc. the way it happened to me is certainly preferrable over countless alternatives. Here’s to Character.

AN UNNATURAL LIFE SKILL

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Surrender is one of those words that smells of cowardice and utter defeat. It is a word of last resort and one that has the connotation suggesting that you, me, we have been subverted and/or undone. Nothing about surrender is voluntary under the normal trajectory of our maturation from childhood to adulthood. We’re taught not to surrender. We’re taught that surrender is what we do when the cops have you dead-to-rights. You’re caught and consequently…you get the idea. But the truth for me is that surrender is as much a journey as much as it is a virtue. My earliest bouts with surrender were like a tug-of-war with the big brotha down the street who toys around with you until he’s ready to put you away. As an athlete, I literally told God at one point in my life that he could try to stop me if he wanted but I was going to play professional basketball or die trying. The life skill of surrender was being developed.

And the funny thing is that it had nothing to do with basketball. It was about pretending to have an indomitable spirit when in essence I was consumed with self-worship. I was committed to me, to my own satisfaction and my own validation by any means necessary. The hard part about surrender is that it is where the title Lord identifies its owner. Surrender is unnatural because control  is at a premium in the United States and perhaps beyond. With control comes power and to suggest for one second that being like Christ requires surrender cuts to the quick. It is either a watershed moment or an impasse, either an altar of transformation or an instance of arrogant obstinacy. But the benefit of relinquishing, surrendering, letting go is that if anyone is worthy of your vulnerability it’s the great God of the universe. He’s either God or he’s not. Very few words have only negative definitions and surrender is not one of them. Surrender is an invitation to a benevolent and sovereign God who quiets the heart and reestablishes the proper order of creator to creature.

THANK WHO?

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If there's one difference between the Vick before dog fighting and the Vick after it's that the Philadelphia Eagles' Mike Vick seems genuinely grateful to something bigger than himself that he is neither in prison nor unemployed when he could easily be both.

I tweeted yesterday on Thanksgiving

“Most pro athletes are thankful for their physical gifts. Why are so many thankful athletes arrogant as if they have no one to thank?”

I thought to myself, “Self, does thankfulness count if it doesn’t have an object?And I said to myself that it seems illogical that one could genuinely be in a state of gratitude without an object of such gratitude. In other words, try as I may, I can’t think of giving thanks without directing my appreciation in a direction. And I realize that it is as common as breathing to say we’re thankful for this and that, to proverbially mutter “Thank God” when what we really mean is “I got lucky right there.”

ESPN was running down the worst athlete of 2010 and stopped on Tiger Woods. They had the nerve to ask if he was working on himself and not just his golf game. It was a rare spot that superficially delved into the character realm amidst the highlights and electrified footage from a day’s work compiling excitable moments from the day in sports. Woods is in a tough place but not so much because of his scrutiny or divorce. He’s in a crucible along with all professional athletes worldwide. That crucible is heated  by the myth that you don’t need to be thankful, but rather more brazen. When an athlete suffers public defeat or humiliation, his/her fight or flight mechanism is usually triggered by the pundits who began their onslaught via radio, TV and web. I don’t know about you but it’d be pretty hard to thank God for my health after a title bout if the media immediately began airing my demise over and over again.  I’d be thinking, “I’m fixing this situation as soon as I can. We start training camp tomorrow.” Public figures want to remain valuable to consumers. This has to be why transformation of character is so difficult. If I say I’m thankful and I simply mean, “I’m blessed or lucky or fortunate…” part of that sounds like I’m happy to have been given my talent but indebted to no one. Contrarily, to look someone or something in the eyes and offer a thank you is a step of maturity that rescues you from the island of self-worship. There’s no worse place than to be lost among conditional accolades and people who adore you for an ability rather than your personhood.  I could list names for thirty minutes straight of people who helped me become who I am today and it’d be a painful half-hour because I feel I owe them what I could never repay. And that is humbling. When there’s a person on the end of thanks, you’re instantly never the same.

HAVE THE TOUGH CONVERSATION

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I have a hypothesis that athletes will perform better if they have the resolve to talk straight. Confrontation is an art that gets more refined when practiced. But confrontation has also become evil and that’s why the tough conversation is a rarity. It’s not really evil but it has the connotation as such and here’s where I’m going with this. It seems like we’re always one conversation away from clarity, away from preventing a misunderstanding and away from assuming that a rumor is well founded. So close and yet so far. When guys who know how to pass a basketball and shoot it suddenly can’t, I submit that the reason has more to do with non-basketball related distractions. In fact, I recently guessed that was the case when my own team struggled to practice with efficiency. As it turns out, my hunch was right and the boys needed to air some grievances face-to-face. I was merely the facilitator as these teenage boys proceeded to talk about “he-said/she said” banter within the school. There were things dividing the team that could have been resolved months earlier. But rather than resolution, there was distrust brewing and basketball became a weapon as one team member fired off critical remarks at another when drills went awry.

Chemistry is either volatile or synergistic. What’s the difference? By volatile, I mean that some chemicals don’t mix well and team members become toxic to one another when they refuse to address the sources of tension. Fear makes people avoid confrontation and postpone the inevitable sinking of the ship. On the contrary, synergy is the multiplied strength that exceeds the sum of the parts working together. That’s what a team should be and that is a chemistry often fueled by a willingness to keep lines of communication open. What’s more is that tough conversations expose ills in the team instead of letting them fester. Who wants a sore or symptoms to go undiagnosed? It’s easier to ignore, out of fear, the potential horror that doctors can deliver. But easier can get you dead. The straight conversation is candid and immediate at its best. It’s merely simplification I’m after and the tough convo reduces the number of variables involved with executing tasks in line with whatever the mission is. I surmise that it would be easier to stay married, defend against the dribble drive, conduct a music rehearsal, etc. if we weren’t thinking about something that could be solved via an honest conversation.